A Poem

Found this on a Taiwan blog somewhere...




Go placidly amid the night markets and the cram schools and remember

what peace there may be in pearl milk tea.

As far as possible, be on good terms with your neighbors, even if they threaten to take you to

court for cussing them out in the lobby that day.

Surround yourself

with that which is pleasant on Isla Formosa, and don’t let the dengue

fever mosquitoes bite you.

Always plan on good sunny weather, but don’t

forget to carry a fold-up umbrella in your backpack, just in case.

Be pure and clean 24/7, take a shower in the morning or night, whichever

time frame pleases you, and drink only that which comes in a bottle.

In other words: don’t drink the tap water!

Taste of the cho dofu, the frog legs and the slimy snails, and learn

to use your chopsticks with aplomb.

Watch your New Taiwan Dollars

appreciate or fall flat on their faces, and think of the all the money

you have earned (and hopefully, saved) during your time here. When

it’s time to return home, you will know it. Until then, enjoy, enjoy, enjoy!

Beef noodles? Go for it? Oyster omletters? Do it. The Mazu Pilgrimmage

From Taichung to Hsinkang? Go on it.

As for Kenting, make a beeline for that southern mecca whenever you

can, because as you know, you only live once and Taiwan is your chance

of a lifetime. Sure, there’s Lukang and Guifen and Green Island and Peitou’s famous hot springs

(with ”special services” provided), but you’ve got to make your own

itinerary for the island and then stick to it.

Are you counting the days till you go home? Then you’re in the wrong place.

Take the ferry from Keelung, fly out to Orchid Island or a book a seat

on the narrow-guage train to Alishan (when it re-opens!) and never say

there’s nothing to write home about on this never-out-of-surprises subtropical island.

Betel nut beauties got you excited? Snap some photos surreptitiously with your

cellphone camera, but watch out for gangster interference in case you get too close. You’ve been warned.

Find work as a buxiban teacher, an expat businessman or a Ph.D.

professor, and don’t forget to file your income taxes on the appointed day.

Even if you are a dunce, do your best to learn some Chinese while

you’re here, and it wouldn’t hurt to pick up some Hakka and Hoklo, too.

As for the Aborigines who were here first, get to know them as the wonderful people they are

and treat them as your brothers and sisters. They are the real

Formosans, from 10,000 years ago and more.

And they have stories to tell, stories to tell. Beheadings? Believe it.

As for the Japanese Colonial Period (1895 to 1945), for better or

worse, they came, they went, they conquered. Can you say “chotto matte”? Or “kukei” or massaji”?

Just don’t ask the ”comfort women” what they know. It wasn’t all fun and games in those days.

Far away, but too close, there are the Chicoms, as you know, and they

got 1200 missiles aimed right at Taipei and Taichung. Ignore the

bastards, if you can, for surely they are on the wrong side of history and someday they will

see their empire collapse.

Remember this always, all ye who toil here:

Taiwan is a free, democratic, soverign nation, and that’s why the

politicians can stage knock-em-down fights on TV and get away with it.

This is Taiwan. You lived it. [Congratulations?]

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Purportedly a message found in a PET bottle wafting down the elevator shaft
of Taipei 101

COPYRIGHT (c) 2008 – by ”expatnonymous”